Getting ready to leave for LI, Francesca starts to open the front door- I say "Francesca don't open the door until I come back" Francescsa "I'm just opening it a tiny bit" I say "Not even a crack, someone could come in and grab you" Francesca "Then I would kick them in the vagina or the penis" ........ "so hard that poop would come out the other side"

bath time?

Mommy: Its late, we're only taking a 4 minute bath. Francesca: NO! (stamps feet, walks away) I don't want to take a 4 minute bath! I want to take a 5 minute bath! Daddy: OK, you can take a 5 minute bath.

Winter

Francesca: It's freezing! Mommy: Yes it is. Francesca: It's so cold that the cut on my thumb is as cold as a little mouse in the snow.

Susan?

Francesca informed me this morning that her new Kindergarten friend is a "susan" -apparently a "susan" is someone who believes in God but not Halloween.

Daddy wins

Lara to Lorin "You have to pick one kid to take care of, which one do you want?" Francesca "Oh pick me, pick me!"

when I grow up

At school the kids were talking about what they wanted to be when they grew up and Francesca says "when I get older I want to be a LIAR like my mommy and daddy"

Um yeah. Lawyer/Liar- same thing!

guys gotta do...

On David (her classmate) having to sit in the "thinking chair" for misbehaving:

Mommy "Why did David have to sit in the thinking chair?"

Francesca "He threw his lunchbox at me, a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do."

On trying a mystery chocolate from Easter...

"Mommy will you try this for me and see if I'm going to like it, even though you got that fat belly goin' on?

Mexico

Francesca: Mommy I don't like you anymore and I'm leaving.

Mommy: Really, where are you going?

Francesca: Mexico

Mommy: Who is going to take care of you?

Francesca: The Mexico people!

on listening

Francesca was not listening, as is the norm these days.

I said "Francesca, what happened to your Tiger Shulman (mixed martial arts class) ears for listening?" To which she replied, "I think they took a trip."

Drama

As we were driving home from her Mema and Poppy's house, Francesca asked if I ever behaved badly when I was a little girl and I replied yes, and proceeded to explain how sometimes I didn't listen to my parents and sometimes I was mean to my brother (Uncle Drew). To this Francesca said, "Mommy I have tears in my eyes" and when I asked why, she said "Because I feel so bad for Uncle Drew."

Coat

Putting on her coat this morning, trying to get to school, frantic and late as usual, I must have yanked a little too hard and Ces said, "Hey, take it easy Camel!" Then, "Easy there Camel!" Um, OK.

MLK Day

When I asked Francesca what day tomorrow is, she said "Martin Luther King day." Then she thought for a moment and asked "Did he wear a cape?" Well, he wasn't exactly that kind of King...

Secret

At the Weight Watchers weigh-in, in a whispery voice with her hand cupping her mouth, she waves me down to her level, talking about the lady in front of us on line, "Mommy that lady has a GIANT tushie."

Weather

On the weather, after looking at the forecast online, "Look Mommy, its going to sun today!"

Hear This

"Daddy, Hear This, Hear This!"

Giant Daddy

On the giant daddy, "Daddy you have a lot of hair on your breasts!"

new years eve?

This really needs a visual but...

Francesca walked into our room and said "New Years Eve, look at this" and turned around and she had a long piece of toilet paper hanging out of her behind, from right between the cheeks. Then she stood in the doorway and wagged her little ass back and forth.

December 25, 2009

The whole world is covered in presents and Christmas.

Creedence

On Creedence Clearwater, "Have You Ever Seen the Rain," "Daddy I've seen the rain, why are they singing that? Turn it off."